


Bad romance (I want your love and i want your revenge)

by AleAbuela



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, Drug Addiction, F/F, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AleAbuela/pseuds/AleAbuela
Summary: "I want your love, and all your lover's revengeYou and me could write a Bad Romance"The love of Minnie and Shuhua can constitute a bad romance, one that Shuhua knows she should stay away from.But, she never really knew how to stay away from things that causes pain.She was taugth to love them.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua, Yeh Shuhua/Minnie Nicha Yontararak
Kudos: 43





	1. You and me could write a bad romance

> ~~ _"Je veux ton amour et je veux ta revanche"_ ~~
> 
> The silence of the night feels deafening, and Soojin feels as if her ears are bleeding. Until she hears the click of the door, and her heart beats faster, afraid, always afraid of the person her roommate has become.
> 
> The sound of the tac tac tac of heels, makes her hug tighter her knees, her tears already dry. A knock from the door of her bedroom broke her from traveling at the past.
> 
> “Soojin?” a soft heavily accented voice calls “I am back, brought some dinner if you want”
> 
> She hastily wipes the rest of tears, and opens the door, already putting some warm smile on her face for the younger girl.
> 
> “Hey, Shuhua. How was the date?”
> 
> Shuhua stares at her for a couple of minutes, silently. Soojin wishes for the girl to say something, to shout at her like before, to not talk about her date. But Shuhua looks away with a fake smile, and nods to herself.
> 
> “Minnie is everything that I have dreamed of and more” She whispers dreamily, and signals with her hand at the pale skin of her neck, where a beautiful gold necklace is resting. “A gift from her, she asked me to be her girlfriend”
> 
> Soojin feels her stomach clench, and stutters a question that she dreads the answer.
> 
> “What did you say?” she feels weird.
> 
> Shuhua smiles again, and touches the necklace, caressing it softly, lost in her memories.
> 
> “I said yes, it was the right thing. She is the right thing” Her voice is almost vulnerable, as if she is afraid of something, but braves up at the end “She is a dream, Soojin, I think is the best decision I can make”
> 
> Soojin is not entirely sure of it, but still asks.
> 
> “What about her problem?”
> 
> Shuhua narrows her eyes at Soojin, looking annoyed, her lips now a thin line.
> 
> “Her treatment is working, she is getting better. She is trying really hard for me, Soojin. She is brave for me. I want to try. I do love her”
> 
> “Do you really love her?”
> 
> ~~Another outcome for this, it’s what Soojin wishes. She lived it, a failed relationship, an abusive one, she doesn’t wish that pain to Shuhua. After all, she loves her.~~
> 
> She really does.
> 
> Shuhua sighs. She is tired. She doesn’t want to be hold back. She is finally free. For once, she can breathe. Minnie is making feel free. She freed her from the chains that blocked her happiness. Those chains that Soojin put on her. That her family put on her.
> 
> She doesn’t know what love means. She thought she did, but she doesn’t.
> 
> And now, looking at the one she thought she would love all her life. She wonders if she ever felt it. But she lies anyway, because Soojin won’t hold her back this time.
> 
> “Yes, I do” she smiles, because with time she will be able to love her as the girl deserves.
> 
> Soojin touches Shuhua’s cheek, and sighs.
> 
> “okay, I guess”
> 
> A haunted love is her love for Shuhua. 
> 
> It always was. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> ~~ _Judas is the demon that i cling to_ ~~
> 
> “Can you love me? Because I will love you as long as you want, Shuhua. I will be everything you need and more, so could you do that? To love me until everything burns, even if it hurts, to keep loving each other” Those eyes burn, Shuhua thinks, she can imagine how much pain it will cost her all those promises that Minnie is doing. She wonders if Minnie actually knows what her words mean, “I want to die from love, and maybe you can give me that, I surely hope you will give me that. Because everyone else has let me down, but you are so pure and beautiful, that I know you will”
> 
> Shuhua stares deep into the manic eyes of Minnie, and knows that she will. Because she already loves her wicked words. She already feels enchanted. She puts her hands on Minnie’s cheeks and caress the pale skin, feeling absolutely insane for Minnie.
> 
> Minnie is an enchantress, she always was.
> 
> No, she is Judas reincarnated.
> 
> How Shuhua enjoys the thought.
> 
> “I would love to be your girlfriend. How can I say no to that poetry” She smiles when Minnie blinks, the older girl was ecstatic. “and I absolutely love your gift, thank you”
> 
> “Anything for you. You deserve the best” Minnie smiles softly, getting closer to Shuhua, and the girl is nervous about the warmth coming from the older woman. She is scared about this, about everything.
> 
> “And are you the best for me?” Shuhua sound’s playful enough. Minnie thinks she is the most beautiful woman in the world, even more than Miyeon. The thai woman feels intoxicated, as if Shuhua is the finest gram of cocaine. Oh, God, she could marry the girl.
> 
> Minnie takes Shuhua hand and kisses it.
> 
> “Of course”
> 
> * * *
> 
> ~~ _ And it’s sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied _ ~~
> 
> Minnie is staring at the ceiling of the cheap motel room she rented intently. She no longer wishes to talk to her companion; after all, she already got what she wanted.
> 
> Minnie smiles pleased. The soreness in her body keeps her grounded. And she thinks of Shuhua, and suddenly everything becomes better, more lightly. She now has a beautiful girlfriend that promised to love her as strongly as she wants.
> 
> A poke on her cheek wakes her up from her daydreaming. And she grunts annoyed.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> Miyeon giggles, Minnie seems to be in good mood, and it showed in all the things they did in bed.
> 
> “You look happy, something must happened.” Her voice soft as she tries to get closer to the other girl, only to be rejected. She is confused, usually Minnie likes to cuddle after sex. That’s the thing that usually makes her annoyed.
> 
> “Well” Minnie giggles again, very softly “there’s this girl I really like” she just stays silent as if she is stuck in her memories “I was pursuing her for some time, and yesterday she finally accepted to be my girlfriend. I am so happy, finally someone will love me”
> 
> Miyeon felt as if Minnie personally struck her with a hammer.
> 
> “Minnie, what the hell? We fucked yesterday. How did that happen?”
> 
> Minnie seemed bored with the questions. And answered with a monotone voice, no longer caring about Miyeon’s feelings at all. Maybe is some kind of payback, Miyeon thought. Minnie can be a bitch some times. Or maybe is a payback for all the times Miyeon hurt her.
> 
> “Well” Minnie stared at her with a smile “What do you want me to say?”
> 
> That damned smile.
> 
> Minnie is Judas, a fucking prick.
> 
> “After my successful date, and that fucking hot kiss as a reward for being so romantic, I was feeling really horny, I am human after all. She is really hot, you know? But I didn’t wanted to seem like a bastard that only wants sex, so, I dropped her at her house and called you, and we fucked like bunnies, that’s your answer Miyeon”
> 
> Miyeon felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at her, and Minnie just smirked evilly.
> 
> “Minnie, is this some kind of sick joke that you are making to make me feel bad?”
> 
> Minnie got up, looking for her clothes, she just hummed.
> 
> “Do you wish for it to be a joke?” she said instead.
> 
> Miyeon doesn’t know how to answer. A part of her knows is the truth. The relationship they share is sick, an illness that has already damaged her heart. And the other part, wishes that the old Minnie come back and hug her like before and tell her that she is the only one that she loves.
> 
> Miyeon doesn’t have in herself to lie. So she just says the truth.
> 
> “You are an asshole and I hope that this girl leaves you, because you don’t know how to love anyone”
> 
> Minnie stops what she is doing to glare at Miyeon, real anger showing in those burning eyes, and stomps back to the bed, and lifts a hand.
> 
> Miyeon braces herself, because is not the first time for Minnie to hit her, but it hadn’t happened in a long time. She thought in vain that Minnie had changed.
> 
> Minnie counts to three as her doctor said to her once. She will not submit to violence, she is getting better, that’s what she promised to Shuhua. She will be a good lover to Shuhua. And a good lover doesn’t hit her partner.
> 
> She lowers her hand, and finish dressing in silence.
> 
> When Minnie is finally ready to go, she stares into Miyeon eyes with a soft look, her mouth pulled up in a happy smile.
> 
> “Miyeonnie, you are wrong, she will love me as much as I will love her. We will be very happy. We are different. I am different. So I think is better for us to not see each other in a while, I must make this girl happy”
> 
> She left without any other word.
> 
> Miyeon could only scream in anger, cursing Minnie time and time again. And almost destroying the room in her anger.
> 
> But she knows that Minnie is as ill as Miyeon is. So she will come back eventually. They can’t let go of each other.
> 
> * * *
> 
> ~~ _I've learned love is like a brick, You can build a house or sink a dead body _ ~~
> 
> Shuhua is washing the dishes, enjoying the cold water as she does the task. She just finished eating breakfast with Soojin, and is waiting for Minnie to pick her up for another date. She feels her cheeks warm at the thought of Minnie.
> 
> She feels so attracted to the older woman that she feels hopeless.
> 
> Then, she feels a heated stare burning into her back, and fights the urge to roll her eyes. She doesn’t understand Soojin and her sudden behavior. Minnie is good to her and that’s all that matters. Not her past relationships or her problems. She is getting better.
> 
> “I can feel you staring, Soojin, is everything okay?” she mutters.
> 
> Soojin giggles, and then sighs.
> 
> “You look really pretty today”
> 
> The compliment makes Shuhua happy.
> 
> “Thank you, do you think Minnie will like it? I bought this dress for today, she wants to go to a museum and I want to look sophisticated for her”
> 
> Soojin frowns, her compliment doesn’t have the desired effect on the younger girl. Usually, Shuhua would blush and stutter.
> 
> “She doesn’t need to like it, Shuhua”
> 
> Shuhua turned around with a smile.
> 
> “Of course she needs to like it, silly girl. I want to be the prettiest in her eyes. She is my girlfriend. It’s like you don’t remember what it means to be in a relationship and want to be the best for them”
> 
> Soojin stays silent after that. She doesn’t voice her thoughts on the matter.
> 
> Soon enough, they hear the bell ring. And Shuhua look for the nearest mirror, to check herself in the reflection. She is dressed in a cream elegant dress, and high heels. Her hair pulled up in a luxurious bun, and for once, she used make up, bright red lips that makes her look like the younger version of Soojin.
> 
> Soojin thinks that she looks like an actress in an award show.
> 
> Beautiful.
> 
> “coming” she yells in a demure manner, all different from her younger years, where she was all about noise. Now she turned to be really quiet, but with Minnie some of that happy moments are coming back.
> 
> Soojin heard the door open, and a sharp intake of air, she rolled her eyes. Silence and then:
> 
> “Yeh Shuhua, Am I dreaming or I am staring at an angel right now. You look absolutely beautiful. Here, these roses are for you”
> 
> How cliché, muttered Soojin under her breath.
> 
> Then, Shuhua appeared out of breath at the kitchen to search for a vase for the flowers.
> 
> “Relax, I can take care of them” Soojin offered with a soft smile. Shuhua didn’t seem to hear because she kept searching.
> 
> Minnie then, make her own appearance , and Soojin had to admit that she looked good with her nice white suit, and her usual messy hair styled.
> 
> “Hello, madam” Minnie smiled politely to Soojin, she knows that she has to be in her best behavior because Soojin is the older sister of Shuhua. And she wants the approbation of Shuhua’s family. “how are you?”
> 
> Soojin smiled polite.
> 
> “Fine, thank you”
> 
> Shuhua quickly put the flowers in a vase that Yuqi got her for her birthday, and marveled at the sensation of being showered in gifts. She got closer to get a sniff of the aroma.
> 
> “I am really happy, Minnie, they are beautiful”
> 
> Minnie just shuggred.
> 
> “Not as beautiful as you, darling” And leaned down, to receive a kiss in the check from Shuhua.
> 
> “Please stop with the sweet words, you already got me” Shuhua softly hit her on the chest.
> 
> Minnie, not minding Soojin’s presence, put her arms around Shuhua’s narrow waist, and whispered onto Shuhua’s ears.
> 
> “I will never get tired of showering you in sweet words. You deserve each one of them”
> 
> She stole a quick kiss from Shuhua’s lips that got the girl squealing.
> 
> Soojin almost broke the glass in her hand. But pull a smile just for show.
> 
> “Hey, you guys, please mind us the singles”
> 
> Shuhua was red faced and fanned her face with a hand. While Minnie laughed.
> 
> “Don’t worry, Soojin, I can present you some nice kids in the block, they are really good looking”
> 
> Soojin looked away.
> 
> “ I think I am fine being single for the time being, but thanks for the offer”
> 
> An awkward silence followed those words.
> 
> Then, Shuhua just ushered Minnie towards the door.
> 
> “C’mon, we will be late”
> 
> Soojin was alone for the rest of the day.
> 
> She did not mind.
> 
> Except she did.
> 
> * * *
> 
> That day Shuhua learned that she doesnt get tired of kissing Minnie, and that she could do it all her life.


	2. Caught in a bad romance

> _~~ She's got both hands  In her pocket  ~~ _
> 
> _~~ And she won't look at you ~~ _
> 
> _~~ She hides her true love e n su bolsillo  ~~ _
> 
> ~~ _ She's got a halo around her finger a _ _round you_ ~~
> 
> Shuhua feels different, intoxicated, beautiful as ever.
> 
> She feels as if nothing can ever stop her.
> 
> And it’s all thanks to Minnie.
> 
> The older woman is toasting with her friends, and the only sound that Shuhua can hear is her boisterous laugh. They are truly happy.
> 
> And Shuhua has mastered the skill of ignoring Minnie’s problems. Those things will not separate them. She won’t let anything come between them, not even past mistakes. And the newly ring on her finger is a compromise of that.
> 
> “I have the most beautiful fiancé of the world” Minnie shouts absolutely manic. She is having an episode. Shuhua doesn’t know if it’s the drinks or the moment. She doesn’t mind. She is that happy and willing to ignore. “I love you, baby” Minnie gets closer to her, and leans down to kiss her.
> 
> Shuhua closes her eyes, and grasp that soft face.
> 
> The kiss is as mad as everything that’s just Minnie and Shuhua.
> 
> Shuhua loves Minnie to death and she is reciprocated.
> 
> “Baby, are you crying?” for a split of a second, Minnie sounds concerned. Her brows furrowed, and Shuhua smiles widely, kissing her again.
> 
> “I am really happy. This is the first time I ever felt something like this. I love you so much” Shuhua is telling the truth. She loves Minnie. It was hard to do so, but in the end she managed to learn that emotion.
> 
> Minnie shares a couple of tears of her own.
> 
> “Thank you, baby, I am really happy too. Thank you for putting up with me. I love you so so so much, you are the most important person in my life”
> 
> Shuhua pretends that Soojin’s heartbroken expression doesn’t exist, and that Miyeon’s tears are for happiness for them.
> 
> She is that willing to ignore. As she did, when Minnie relapsed into her own demons, time and time again.
> 
> Minnie eat Shuhua’s heart. And Shuhua is willing to stay with her a lifetime.
> 
> “Hey hey” Yuqi shouts “lovebirds, you are making us jealous”
> 
> Shuhua laughs, and lets Minnie pull her closer by the waist. She still loves all the suits that Minnie owns.
> 
> “Stop it” Minnie shouts back “we just got engaged, cut some slack, please”
> 
> Yuqi takes another shot of tequila, and tells Minnie to sing. And soon enough everyone supports that motion.
> 
> Minnie just flips them off.
> 
> “Do it, Minnie, I want to hear your voice” Shuhua whispers into Minnie’s ear, enjoying the hurt in Soojin’s eyes as she kiss Minnie on the mouth, a small pleasure that she got in those recent times. “Sing our song, baby” Shuhua enjoyed the desire in Minnie’s eyes as they kissed sensually. She knows what will happen once the party finish, and shivers in anticipation.
> 
> “Are you sure?” Minnie smiles into the kiss, and pulls her closer. “It’s been a while since we heard it”
> 
> Shuhua pulls away just a little bit, she can't get enough of Minnie’s kisses. And nods.
> 
> “Okay, baby, anything for you”
> 
> Shuhua just watched as Minnie got closer to the piano in the center of the room. Everyone cheered like crazy and Shuhua just shook her head. Minnie was that popular.
> 
> “Well, guys, I want to share our favorite song with you. It’s the first song that we listened together, when we were still friends. And even if it began as a joke, it stuck as our song, our lovely song. So, as the wish of my queen, Shuhua, I will sing it for you. Baby, you make me really happy and I cannot wait to begin our life together”
> 
> Minnie began to play a familiar tune at the piano. Yuqi frowned before letting a small chuckle.
> 
> “Lady gaga? You are crazy” her chinese counter part asks shocked.
> 
> Shuhua laughed and got closer to Minnie to stare into her eyes.
> 
> _ I want your love and I want your revenge _
> 
> _ You and me could write a bad romance_
> 
> _ I want your love and all your lovers' revenge _
> 
> _ You and me could write a bad romance_
> 
> Sometimes Shuhua tends to forget that Minnie is a musician, but each time the older woman just surprises her with that enormous talent. Her rendition of Bad Romance is the most impressing thing that she heard in her life, and it makes her want to just keep listening it all her life.
> 
> She still pretends to not notice when Minnie sings those words “I want your love and all your lovers' revenge” her lover throws a heated stare at Soojin, like a silent threat. Maybe Minnie knows that whatever happened between Shuhua and Soojin wasn’t entirely platonic, but Shuhua is still not ready to face that. She’ll never admit it. She wants to die with that secret.
> 
> When Minnie finishes, Shuhua is crying like a baby and everyone hollers in joy. It was perfect.
> 
> Because Shuhua and Minnie’s love is perfect in its imperfection.
> 
> Shuhua gets closer to Minnie and sing songs:
> 
> “The world gave me a million reasons to go, but you gave me one reason to stay, and I stayed, and I will continue to do so”
> 
> * * *
> 
> _ ~~My darling, who is going to protect you now?~~ _
> 
> After a while, the party seemed to slow down a little bit, and everyone took the chance to actually enjoy the dinner. Everything was a gift from Minnie’s rich family.
> 
> “Congrats” Soojin’s quiet voice, surprised Shuhua, who was lost in her thoughts after taking a shot of tequila. “I didn’t think you would do it”
> 
> “What do you mean?” she slurred a little. She promised to enjoy to the max the party, a little bit of alcohol won’t hurt. She looked over where Minnie is goofing around with her friends, and smiled. She is going to be a nice wife to the crazy kid. That’s her promise.
> 
> “I just didn’t think this relationship would last long enough for you to think about marriage with her, but as always you managed to surprised me with your rash actions” those words doesn’t seem angry just said icily in typically Soojin’s behavior.
> 
> “Excuse me?” Shuhua doesn’t want to get angry, but is difficult with all the alcohol she consumed tonight.
> 
> Soojin’s mask cracks a little, and Shuhua can see the genuine worry. Soojin raised Shuhua as if she was her mom, her older sister and something more,always a hidden something more. And Shuhua doesn’t want to think about the implications of those unwanted and unresolved feelings.
> 
> “You two dated less than a year, and are going to get married. Minnie has relapsed again and you just graduated. This is madness”
> 
> “Soojin, I love my fiancée more than anything that I ever loved in this world. This feels right. Even mom agree that this is a good decision”
> 
> Soojin rolled her eyes.
> 
> “Mom is happy because Minnie is rich as fuck, she doesn’t care about anything else”
> 
> Shuhua looks away at those words, and tries to avoid the sting that it brings. Her mother is a gold digger, she has always been one. But hearing coming from Soojin’s mouth hurts.
> 
> Shuhua’s mom could sell Shuhua to the biggest sponsor, and don’t mind a bit the feelings of her daughter.
> 
> “Still, Soojin, why can't you be happy for me? This is the best for everyone”
> 
> “Best for everyone? What are you talking about?” Soojin grits her teeth.
> 
> “I meant exactly what I said; it’s the best for everyone, including us.”
> 
> “What?” Soojin takes a step back.
> 
> Shuhua sighs, and motions the party. She doesn’t want for Minnie to worry. She is already suspicious of Soojin’s intentions, and her vague relationship with Shuhua.
> 
> “Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about” She is angry at Soojin for avoiding the truth.
> 
> “Shuhua” Soojin hesitates once more, and Shuhua has enough.
> 
> “Exactly, let it go”
> 
> Shuhua leaves Soojin and for once, she doesn’t turn back.
> 
> * * *
> 
> ~~_ You don't care for me, do you? _ ~~
> 
> “Shuhua” Mom happily greets her “You got the golden fish, I am proud of you”
> 
> Shuhua smiles and drowns another shot.
> 
> Her mother keeps talking, she is already drunk.
> 
> “I always thought that your sister would get married before you. But look at Soojin, after Hui, she just conformed to be alone. I don’t know what happened to her. Such a waste of beauty and youth”
> 
> “Yeah, mom, maybe someday she can get the one”
> 
> The old woman just sighed.
> 
> “Maybe. But now I am happy, darling, there will be someone to take care of you. Minnie seems to love you very much and her family, mind you they are owners of a chain of luxurious hotels all around Asia, are great”
> 
> To this point, her mother just begins to talk about money and money and money.
> 
> Shuhua feels bored already. But luckily enough, her knight in shining armor appears to save her from boredom.
> 
> “Beautiful lady, I was thinking that maybe you would want to slow dance with me the night away”.
> 
> Even if Minnie is already drunk, those words make her remember that soon she’ll stop being only Soojin’s sister and become Shuhua Kim, Minnie’s wife. And it’s the only thing that keeps her from wanting to die a painful death.
> 
> “Of course”
> 
> And they dance and dance and dance. Until the end is coming.
> 
> Until they both forget trouble pasts. Until they both forget the pain.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Making love to Minnie burns and burns and burns. 
> 
> It's painful but Shuhua can't get enough of the feeling. 
> 
> It's the best thing that happened to her in her life.
> 
> It makes her forget unwanted memories.
> 
> It makes her forget unwanted persons.
> 
> It makes her forget Soojin.
> 
> Shuhua is ecstatic.
> 
> It's everything that she has dreamed of and more.
> 
> She can't wait to be Minnie's wife. 
> 
> She is obssesed with the idea.
> 
> * * *
> 
> "I do love you, Minnie"
> 
> Minnie smirks above her, and caresses her cheek. 
> 
> "Did you like it?" the older woman asks.
> 
> Shuhua sighs at the pair of lips that press down at her neck.
> 
> "i did"
> 
> "Is everything that you dreamed of and more?" Minnie moans as she hugs Shuhua to her chest.
> 
> "it is, i am yours" Shuhua snuggle her cheek on Minnie's chest, caressing the hard stomach.
> 
> "Only mine?"
> 
> "Only yours" Shuhua sighs again as Minnie flips them both, and kisses her hard. 
> 
> It truly is what she dreamed of and more. 


	3. Bloody Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past of Shuhua and Soojin is revealed.
> 
> Comment about your thoughts.
> 
> Honestly this is my darkest story.

> The love between Minnie and Shuhua is violent.
> 
> Like all those fires consuming California.
> 
> They are perpetually excited, in manic moods. Everything has to happen fast and rough.
> 
> Shuhua prefers it to be this way, because being like this; she doesn’t have time to think.
> 
> She has all the time in the world to stay lost in Minnie’s strong emotions. Now, she has all the time to escape from the past.
> 
> But sometimes, and just sometimes, when Shuhua is alone in their master room in the mansion that Minnie brought for them as a wedding gift, those memories assault her, and she tries hard to not cry. All the pain barrels into her like a hurricane, leaving her with nothing, all numb, all hopeless, all tired. She prefers Minnie’s violence over than this.
> 
> She can’t shake the feeling of unwanted hands on her body, holding her down, the rough feeling of being overpowered. And those voices, low voices, full of desire. She detested them. Even the ones that were familiar to her, those were the most disappointing. And then, she was young and didn’t understand what was happening to her. The void in her heart just got larger and larger.
> 
> She was thirteen, and thought that leaving the door open at night would bring her the love that her mother denied to her, because the older woman was too selfish to care for her children. She preferred the company of men, and the luxury of diamonds than to ask how the day was. There were times that Shuhua hoped that her mother would protect her from it, from the feeling of being just a mannequin for other’s enjoyment. She was wrong of course, her mother was the kind of woman that turns a blind eye to certain events.
> 
> So Shuhua was lost. But, at least, she had Soojin. Her older sister whom she loved with all her mind, soul and heart. The one that took care of small Shuhua. Each time, Shuhua was hungry and felt sad, Soojin would cook her some brownies, and then they would cuddle as much as Shuhua’s wanted, because it was hard for Soojin to deny Shuhua’s wishes.
> 
> There was a time that Shuhua thought that Soojin was made for her. That they were made to be together. One soul.
> 
> So that’s why she kept silent about some things that Soojin did. For example, all the boys she dated, the escapades at night, the parties, and…
> 
> The nightly visits to Shuhua’s room.
> 
> But Shuhua loved Soojin, so she thought it was okay to do things the older girl wanted her to do in order for Soojin to forget those boys and love only Shuhua. The teenager didn’t understand what those boys had that Shuhua didn’t. She was wrong of course, Soojin did love her, but not the good kind of love. It took years for Shuhua to realize this. 
> 
> She still feels nausea as she remembers the old perfume that Soojin wore on all those drunken nightly visits to Shuhua’s room, and how it always seemed to be impregnated on Shuhua’s skin, no matter how hard she scrubbed her skin when she showered. 
> 
> One time, when they were older, and were watching a movie, Shuhua stared at Soojin’s profile for a long time, until Soojin was annoyed.
> 
> Shuhua wondered if the past did stay behind.
> 
> “What?” Soojin grunted, and looked at Shuhua, with that cold stare. Shuhua chuckled. Something was changing within her, because that cold stare no longer hurts.
> 
> “You stopped using that perfume” she commented so casually, that Soojin winced, her hands formed into fists, the air between them turned uncomfortable.
> 
> “I can’t tolerate the smell” Soojin stared at her hands, and spoke so softly, that Shuhua could miss it “it makes me remember things, bad things”
> 
> Shuhua hummed in thought.
> 
> “Oh, it makes you remember of Hui?” she acted like she didn’t understand the undertone of regret in Soojin’s voice. “it’s okay, Soojin, I am glad that you changed it.” But something that Shuhua didn’t realize it’s that in the most dark part of her soul she was angry, at Soojin, for what she did to Shuhua when she was a kid. She thought it was in the past, and that it was an honest mistake, but in reality, Shuhua only buried her hatred for her sister down, with lies.
> 
> It was really sad.
> 
> Soojin never realized it.
> 
> She just choose to ignore it as a part of a past that shouldn’t be talked about, until she thought it was time to make amends. To cure their relationship.
> 
> Soojin did love Shuhua, she wanted to love her the good kind of love. Not the twisted sick love that they shared when they were younger and abandoned by their mother.
> 
> But it was too late, because that hatred that Shuhua was hiding had already rotten all the good feelings.
> 
> “No, Shuhua, it’s not because of Hui. I think we should talk about …”
> 
> Shuhua poked Soojin in the cheek. A soft smile in her face.
> 
> “Stop it, it’s better this way” Shuhua stood up “Maybe it’s time to go to sleep, I am really tired, and sometimes, the past should stay that way”
> 
> Shuhua always locks the door before going to sleep. Even now, as she lives with Minnie.
> 
> And now in the present, as she rests in a luxurious sofa in the luxurious living room, she has all the time of the world to relieve those memories. All the times that Soojin approached her to make amends. It makes her sick, because Soojin still searches for a Shuhua that no longer is alive. And what her sister doesn’t realize is that Soojin killed her with bare hands.
> 
> “Miss?” the maid that Minnie hired is competent enough for Shuhua to feel comfortable with. “Your sister is here”
> 
> Shuhua groans tiredly. She has already married Minnie, what does Soojin want?
> 
> “Okay, she can enter” Shuhua quickly puts a beautiful black robe over her pijamas. She looks like some princess. Minnie has made her a princess.
> 
> Shuhua stares at the bottle of pills intently, she doesn’t want to admit it, but, she now understands Minnie’s passion for alcohol.
> 
> She pops one white small pill into her mouth. And when she swallows, she has a memory hit her hard, she remembers crying in the solitude of her room, a small Shuhua clutching her sheets as she watches Soojin put a white shirt over her torso, the older girl talking about a party, slurring, always slurring, as if she didn’t hurt Shuhua for the millionth time.
> 
> Shuhua feels it. The anger coming. But she pushes it down. She has to be in her best behavior. She has already won; she married Minnie, a rich girl that loves her too much. She has all the money that she ever wanted. She is going to be a mother soon. The past hurts but nothing that her illegally prescripted medicine can cure.
> 
> But still, she can feel the anger, just barely under her skin. Thrumming.
> 
> She puts a welcoming smile for Soojin. When in reality, the only thing that Soojin sees is a barely concealed disgusted, hidden behind a polite smile, but the smile has all the cracks in the world. Shuhua’s eyes are dull, and when Soojin stares at the bottle of pills, she understands why.
> 
> “Hey, Soojin” Shuhua smiles again, the cracks are shown again, her voice is low, slurring.
> 
> Shuhua feels as if everything including her body is heavy. It’s difficult to breathe.
> 
> “How is it going? Do you want something to drink? Hey,” Shuhua motions for the trusted maid, who she knows is watching their interactions like a hawk, yes, Minnie is paranoid of their relationship, to the point of feeling that Soojin is a threat. “Can you bring orange juice for my sister? I think I’ll have a vodka”
> 
> Soojin feels uncomfortable. Their interactions have changed since Shuhua married Minnie. Now, every time Soojin visits Shuhua , the younger woman is either drugged beyond capacity, always sleepy or cold as ice.
> 
> “No, Shuhua, don’t drink. The last time we didn’t got to talk because you were passed out”
> 
> Shuhua was staring at the bottle of vodka Minnie brought.
> 
> “Ah, you are right” she sighed. Shuhua lie down on the sofa, all of sudden she felt dead tired. Soojin sucks her energy. Sometimes she wonders why her sister bothers. “What do you want to talk about?”
> 
> Soojin smiles with hope. It’s been a couple of months since she has last seen Shuhua. She can feel her heart beat fast. She missed the girl. Even if Shuhua feels distant, Soojin will keep working hard to rebuild their relationship.
> 
> And even if she is against Shuhua’s marriage, she has kept silent for the sake of Shuhua.
> 
> “How are you? How is Minnie? Are you excited? The baby will come in a couple of months and you will be a mother. Mom cant stop crying every time we talk about it, she is really happy for you” the voice of Soojin is warm as if she is genuinely happy.
> 
> Shuhua doesn’t believe her, of course, but acts as if she does. She is good pretending. After all, she pretends that she doesn’t hate her family.
> 
> The maid appears again and passes the orange juice to Soojin, who smiles in thanks. And Shuhua contemplates to pop another pill. But, the last time she did, she slept for three days straight and Minnie rushed her to the hospital in mad panic.
> 
> For the sake of her wife, she wont do it.
> 
> “Ah, yes, we are very excited.” She says, and stares at the bottle of pills with mild interest, maybe Minnie can understand the torment. Or maybe not. “It’s a dream to be a mother. We will have the perfect family. Minnie is working in an album right now, she says is a surprise for me. I am very happy”
> 
> Then silence. Soojin struggle to make a conversation with Shuhua. But it’s hard, because of how closed off Shuhua has become. The older woman wants to cry but keeps her tears at by.
> 
> “Shuhua, I am very sorry, I haven’t been a good sister to you”
> 
> Shuhua struggles to not roll her eyes. Soojin has apologized so many times that Shuhua is tired. Why does people want to atone sins? It’s boring.
> 
> “Soojin, stop it please. What do you want? Do you need money? Just ask. Does mom need money? I can give it to her, but please stop. It’s becoming tiring”
> 
> “No, it’s not that, I just think that we can work on what happened. After all, we are sisters and I love you. I want us to be better”
> 
> Soojin wants to cry. And Shuhua just looks away.
> 
> “Can you kill me, Soojin?” Shuhua whispered low, but Soojin heard it.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> Shuhua gets up, lazily and walks to a mirror, watching her reflection intently. Another memory hits her hard. Small Shuhua crying and reaching out to Soojin, only for Soojin to pull away and running after Hui. And the haunting thought that Shuhua was left with “I did all that for you and you still didn’t chose me”
> 
> She turned to Soojin with a smile. A vile one. She can feel it again, the anger.
> 
> “I said: Can you kill me?” Her voice was dropping venom. And Soojin felt as if a knife was plucked into her heart.
> 
> “No, of course no, I can’t”
> 
> Shuhua walked to Soojin, and pressed her forehead against Soojin’s chest.
> 
> “Why? You did it so many times before. You took from me so many things and now you refuse to kill me. How boring you have become. I preferred drunk Soojin, at least, she had the guts”
> 
> Soojin pulled away as if burned.
> 
> “no, no, drunk Soojin was a monster, she hurt you, so much. I hate her, I am sorry”
> 
> Shuhua chuckled.
> 
> “You hate drunk Soojin? You hate yourself? Why?”
> 
> This is getting ridiculous. Shuhua wants to sleep. She wishes for Minnie to come back from her trip quickly, she badly misses her.
> 
> Soojin doesn’t bother Shuhua if Minnie is here.
> 
> Soojin was crying, her sobs resonated in the house.
> 
> “Drunk Soojin raped her younger sister so many times, even when said sister loved her too much, even when said sister stared at Soojin as if Soojin held the sun in her hands. I am a monster for what I did to you, I cannot forgive myself for it”
> 
> Soojin kneeled in front of Shuhua, breaking down.
> 
> Shuhua was bored. She stared at her sister, feeling nothing at all. Just that dull anger, beneath her skin. She looked away from the pathetic show.
> 
> “Ah, that sucks, Soojin” She muttered, taking a gulp from Soojin’s orange juice “It’s in the past, sister, forget it. I am tired, and I want to sleep”
> 
> Soojin kept crying.
> 
> “I really wish to sleep Soojin, my sleeping pill is really strong. You know?” Another vile smile “When I sleep, I don’t feel anything. If you want, you can stay here, while I sleep and play with me for old times sake. It’s been a while. Don’t you miss those times? I bet you do. I wont mind. I am that bored, i’ll be silent, the way you liked. Do you remember?”
> 
> Soojin stared at Shuhua, scared. She felt sick hearing those words.
> 
> Shuhua took off her robe.
> 
> “Don’t you want me, Soojin?” Soojin looked away, wanting to vomit, all tense. Shuhua smirked “c’mon, Soojin, it’s been a while” she is enjoying the power she now holds over the older woman, oh, the revenge is truly a sweet thing. Getting to torment her tormenter is so sweet, sweeter than her sleeping pills. “Fucking coward” Shuhua spat, and lie down on her sofa again.
> 
> “That’s why I love Minnie more than I ever loved you. You cant understand that. But I love her so much that it kills me. And I hate you so much that I want to be killed. It’s a nightmare.”


	4. The end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?

> It burns, everything burns.
> 
> Shuhua wants to dance at this momento, the perfect moment. Her life has become a fantasy, her own twisted fantasy, and even if this is hell, the flames feel better than those chains back at home.
> 
> She has her arms around Minnie’s strong bicep, as the woman laughs and waves her hand around the party. They are celebrating two things: their fifth anniversary and that the last album that Minnie produced topped the charts. They are richer than ever, and beautiful.
> 
> “I want to thank my beautiful wife for keeping up with me all these years, through the harsh times and better times.” Oh yeah, and those were really harsh times, Minnie relapsed two times into alcoholism, and for once, she is clean. But still a music genius. “Baby, thank you, I love you so much, for life”
> 
> Minnie kissed her hard, and euphoric, and Shuhua smiled into the kiss, wrapping her skinny arms around Minnie’s bigger frame.
> 
> Everyone cheered.
> 
> Everyone was envious of their relationship.
> 
> Soojin looked haggard, skinny, and overall, messy. Those dark rings around her eyes never seem to go away. Shuhua’s mother is playing with Minnie’s son, motherly. Shuhua still hates them. But nobody knows. Well, only Minnie.
> 
> Yuqi smiles wildly and cheers loudly, her hands grasp Miyeon’s belly. And Shuhua smiles to herself. It was so easy to convince her best friend to marry the lover of her wife, for control’s sake, and said woman fell into her trap. Now Minnie is truly Shuhua’s.
> 
> Minnie pulled away, and her eyes softened.
> 
> “Thank you for loving me” she repeated in a quieter voice. Shuhua blushed, and caressed her cheek softly.
> 
> “No need to thank me” then grasped her wife’s face with firm hands “the only thing I want is for you to love me, only me, and forever. I don’t want anyone than you, understand that? So, stop getting jealous of my sister, for God’s sake”
> 
> Minnie’s eyes narrow.
> 
> “That’s because she was never just your sister” her voice sounds cold, angry. And Shuhua sighs, nobody will never understand the messy relationship with Soojin. Even if it already stopped the moment Shuhua set her eyes on Minnie.
> 
> “Hug me” Shuhua commanded quietly, and found herself pressed against Minnie “Listen, whatever that sick thing was, it ended, happy? I love you, only you, and I have proved it to you. I stayed. I bore your kid, and I love him so much. I stayed when you were drunk out of your mind, and didn’t remember my face. I even stayed that time when you burned down the house in a fit of anger and almost hit me. So, do you think I am going to let it go? No, darling, this is forever”
> 
> Minnie’s face twisted into something sensual.
> 
> “That’s my girl, how is that you are perfect for me?”
> 
> Shuhua got on her tiptoes.
> 
> “We were meant to be together” She kissed Minnie, and sighed at the thought of making love to her wife. She still hates sex with all her soul but, being with Minnie makes it easy. She can hide her disgust and being a good wife, and Minnie doesn’t ask for much. It’s perfect. They are perfect.
> 
> THEY ARE PERFECT.


End file.
